Goodness, the things women go through!!! The pressure they face from ‘well meaning’ family and friends to go along with society’s standards and time table…

When it comes to the issue of children, I must confess that Nadirah Angail said it only too well. I ran into her post – ‘Mind your own Womb’- and she made a whole lot of very valid points. I will share a few here with you…

Somewhere there is a woman: 30, no children. People ask her, “Still no kids?” Her response varies from day to day, but it usually includes forced smiles and restraint. “Nope, not yet,” she says with a chuckle, muffling her frustration. “Well, don’t wait forever. That clock is ticking, ya know,” the sage says before departing, happy with herself for imparting such erudite wisdom. The sage leaves. The woman holds her smile. Alone, she cries…

Cries because she’s been pregnant 4 times and miscarried every one. Cries because she started trying for a baby on her wedding night, and that was 5 years ago….. Cries because she wants desperately to try in vitro but can’t even afford the deposit. Cries because she’s done in vitro (multiple rounds) and still has no children….. Cries because her medication prevents pregnancy. Cries because this issue causes friction in her marriage….. Cries because all her sisters have children. Cries because one of her sisters didn’t even want children….. Cries because she got invited to another baby shower… Cries because 16-year-olds get pregnant without trying….. Cries because she’s already picked out names. Cries because there’s an empty room in her house. Cries because there is an empty space in her body…..

Somewhere else is another woman: 34, five children. People say to her, “Five? Good lord, I hope you’re done!” And then they laugh… because those types of comments are funny. The woman laughs too, but not in earnest. She changes the subject, as she always does, and gives the disrespect a pass. Just another day. Alone, she cries…

Cries because she’s pregnant with another and feels like she has to hide the joy. Cries because she always wanted a big family and doesn’t see why people seem so disturbed by it. Cries because she has no siblings and felt profoundly lonely as a child. Cries because her Granny had 12 and she’d love to be just like her. Cries because she couldn’t imagine life without her children, but people treat her like they’re a punishment. Cries because she doesn’t want to be pitied. Cries because people assume this isn’t what she wanted. Cries because they assume she’s just irresponsible. Cries because she and her husband are perfectly capable of supporting their family but that doesn’t seem to matter. Cries because she’s tired of the “funny” comments. Cries because people are rude. Cries because so many people seem to have opinions on her private life……

Another woman: 40, one child. People say to her, “Only one? You never wanted any more?”

“I’m happy with my one,” she says calmly, a rehearsed response she’s given more times than she can count. Quite believable. No one would ever suspect that alone, she cries…

Cries because her one pregnancy was a miracle. Cries because her son still asks for a brother or sister. Cries because she always wanted at least three. Cries because her second pregnancy had to be terminated to save her life. Cries because her doctor says it would be “high-risk.” Cries because she’s struggling to care for the one she has. Cries because sometimes one feels like two. Cries because her husband won’t even entertain the thought of another. Cries because she feels selfish…

To read the entire article, visit https://nadirahangail.com/2016/05/25/mind-your-own-womb/

Please moms, let’s learn to respect each other’s space.  Sometimes you think you know or understand why things are a certain way in another mom’s life but really you don’t. Besides even if you do know, until you prove yourself to be that trusted friend rather than a nosy judge, that mom will never feel comfortable enough to confide in you or take advice from you.

So please from now on, let’s be sensitive in our speech and actions because smiles are sometimes the masks that hide the deepest pain and hurts.

Image courtesy: mybrownbaby.com