On the television, mommies are often forced into one of two categories; the put-together mom who plays the proud guardian to the smiling, cute child OR the scattered mom who goes around town, dragging the screaming, defiant child.

Well, get into the ‘real’ world of a ‘real’ mother and you’ll discover that in-between those generic ‘mommy-types’ are so many other groups of mommies who don’t necessarily always get their fair share of air-time. And so when I came across a hilarious but very ‘real’ categorization done on www.happyworker.com’, I couldn’t help but share…

THE THREATENING MOMMY

  • Do not make that face or it will freeze in that position.
  • Don’t eat that, you’ll get worms!
  • Don’t go out with a wet head, you’ll catch cold.
  • Don’t EVER let me catch you doing that again!
  • Don’t pick that scab, it’ll get infected.
  • Be careful or you will pull your eye out.
  • I brought you into this world, and I can take you right back out!
  • If I catch you doing that one more time, I’ll…
  • If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.
  • Don’t sit too close to the television, it’ll ruin your eyes.
  • If you don’t clean your plate, you won’t get any dessert.
  • If you stick your tongue out again it will fall off.
  • If you don’t stop crying, I’m going to give you something to cry about!
  • If you’re bored, I can always find something for you to do.
  • Never try on anyone else’s glasses or you’ll go blind.
  • Over my dead body!
  • Say that again and I’ll wash your mouth out with soap.
  • You are going to get it when you get home!
  • You had better wipe that smile off your face before I do it for you.
  • Your father is going to hear about this when HE gets home!
  • As long as you live under my roof, you’ll do as I say.
  • I’m doing this for your own good.
  • Some day you will thank me for this. SMACK!!
  • You WILL eat it, and you WILL like it!
  • You are getting on my last nerve.
  • I’m going to skin you alive!
  • I’ve had it up to here with you.

 

THE EXAGGERATING MOMMY

  • Eat everything on your plate. There are starving children all over the world who would be glad to trade places with you.
  • How can you have nothing to wear? Your closet is FULL of clothes!
  • Don’t break your arm patting yourself on the back.
  • If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times.
  • Life isn’t fair.
  • Look at this room! It looks like a pigsty!
  • There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.
  • There’s enough dirt in those ears to grow potatoes!
  • This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.
  • Turn off that light. Do you think we own the electric company?
  • When I was young we had respect for our elders, now look at the world!
  • You kids are trying to drive me crazy!
  • You’d forget your head if it wasn’t attached to your shoulders!
  • A little soap and water never killed anybody.
  • Bored! How can you be bored? I was never bored at your age.
  • Do you live to annoy me?

 

THE NAGGING MOMMY

  • Clean up after yourself!
  • Did you brush your teeth?
  • Did you clean your room?
  • Did you comb your hair?
  • Did you flush?
  • Do your homework!
  • Is your homework finished?
  • Isn’t it past your bedtime?
  • Ok, but first take out the garbage.
  • Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?
  • Wipe your feet!
  • Don’t talk with your mouth full!
  • Be good.

 

THE LAZY MOMMY

  • Ask your Father.
  • Don’t ask me WHY. The answer is NO.
  • Don’t make me come in there!
  • Don’t make me get up!
  • Don’t run in the house.
  • Enough is enough!
  • How many times do I have to tell you?
  • I don’t care what all the other kids get to do.
  • I don’t have to explain myself. I said no.
  • I’m going to give you until the count of three…
  • I’m not going to ask you again.
  • I didn’t ask who put it there, I said “Pick it up!”
  • You can’t find it? Well, I can’t find it for you – I’m not the maid!
  • Pick that up before somebody trips on it and breaks their neck!
  • Are your hands broken? Pick it up yourself! I’m not your maid!
  • Do you think your socks are going to pick themselves up?
  • No, I don’t know where your socks are, it’s not my day to watch them!
  • You can’t find it? Well, if you’d put things where they belonged, you wouldn’t have this problem.

 

THE CONFUSED MOMMY

  • Who do you think you are?
  • Who do you think you’re talking to?
  • Do you think I’m made of money?
  • Who said life was going to be easy?
  • Am I talking to a brick wall?
  • All I do is follow you around, picking up after you like some maid.
  • No child of MINE would do something like that.
  • What did I say the FIRST time?
  • At work my mind’s on the children, at home I think of the office.
  • Are you deaf or something?
  • What part of NO don’t you understand?

 

THE CHICKEN MOMMY

  • Be careful!
  • Call me when you get there, just so I know you’re okay.
  • Going to a party? Who’s going to be there? Will the parents be home?
  • I would have never talked to MY mother like that!
  • Do not put that in your mouth; you do not know where it has been!
  • Put that down! You don’t know where it’s been!
  • You can’t start the day on an empty stomach.

 

THE SELFISH MOMMY

  • I don’t buy snacks to feed the neighborhood.
  • If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.
  • I hope you don’t kiss me with that mouth!
  • I just want what’s best for you.
  • If I want your opinion I’ll ask for it!
  • I’m not always going to be around to do these things for you.
  • Don’t stay up too late!
  • Do what I say, not what I do.
  • You don’t always get what you want. It’s a hard lesson, but you might as well learn it now.
  • So it’s raining? You’re not sugar — you won’t melt.
  • Why? Because I SAID so, that’s why!
  • I don’t care who started it, I said stop!
  • Money does NOT grow on trees.
  • This hurts me more than it hurts you.

 

THE PICKY MOMMY

  • I said CLOSE the door, I did not say SLAM it.
  • I’ll treat you like an adult when you start acting like one.
  • Don’t pick your nose in public.
  • Don’t put that in your mouth, you don’t know where it’s been.
  • Don’t use that tone with me!
  • Don’t walk away when I’m talking to you!
  • Don’t you have anything better to do?
  • Are you going out dressed like that?
  • Don’t run with a lollipop in your mouth.
  • I don’t know is NOT an answer.
  • If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.
  • Look at me when I’m talking to you.
  • Now, come back downstairs and go back up WITHOUT stomping your feet!
  • Now, say you’re sorry…and MEAN it!
  • Say please.
  • Turn that racket down!
  • Watch your mouth!
  • What kind of a grade is that? You could do much better!
  • You can go out to play…after you brush your teeth and comb your hair.
  • You can go out to play…after you pick up your room.
  • You can go out to play…after you’ve done your homework.
  • You just ate an hour ago!
  • I don’t care what “everyone” is doing. I care what YOU are doing!
  • Pick up your feet.

 

THE SUSPICIOUS MOMMY

  • How do you know you don’t like it if you haven’t tasted it?
  • Do you think this is a hotel? You can’t just come here only to sleep.
  • I can’t believe you can sleep in this filth!
  • I can’t believe you did that!
  • If you don’t do it NOW, then when are you going to do it?
  • It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that I don’t trust everyone else.
  • What, are you kidding?
  • When will you be back?
  • Where do YOU think you’re going?
  • Who are you going with? Do I know them?
  • Who taught you THAT? You didn’t learn that in this house!
  • You can’t judge a book by its cover.
  • You have an answer for everything, don’t you?
  • Are you lying to me?

 

THE LOVELY MOMMY

You will ALWAYS be my baby.
I will always love you – no matter what.
Nobody will ever love you like your mother.

So from the list, which mommy would you say you are? Or better still, which mommy would your kids say you are?

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